# Christina de Valencia > Mindfulness Training and Self Improvement | Mindfulness Evolution ## Posts - [An Essential Quality in a Happy Relationship. Part Three](https://christinadevalencia.com/an-essential-quality-in-a-happy-relationship-part-three/): Respect It is easy to notice a lack of respect, but defining it isn’t as easy. To have respect for someone else, you must have respect for yourself. Definition of Respect Respect is showing regard for someone’s abilities and worth. It means valuing their feelings and their views, even if you don’t agree. It means accepting them on an equal footing and giving them the same consideration you would expect for yourself. Respect is treating someone with kindness, understanding and compassion and accepting them for who they are. Respect begins with oneself. Respect is learned by experience. It is also … - [An Essential Quality in Happy Relationships. Part Two](https://christinadevalencia.com/an-essential-quality-in-happy-relationships-part-two/): Values I didn’t even know what that was in my younger years. The majority of people I talk to never even give them a thought. They’re “um, what do you mean?” Have you spent any time looking at your values? Has anyone explained what are they? I think that’s the problem, no one talks about them as we’re growing up. What are Values? Values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. Values are your beliefs of right and wrong. Values are an integral part of an individual’s personality. They can be defined … - [An Essential Quality Required for a Happy Relationship. Part One](https://christinadevalencia.com/an-essential-quality-required-for-a-happy-relationship-part-one/): Energy This quality is a significant component in a satisfying relationship. That isn’t to say that you will absolutely fail without it, but one partner will most likely find him or herself frustrated, lonely and losing respect over time, which leads to contempt. This essential quality is a person’s energy level. Of course, we all have days in which we have more or less energy, but this article is about a person’s overall energy level, which is an intrinsic quality. What exactly is that? We humans exist on a continuum of energy levels. It goes from one extreme to the … - [Fitting In](https://christinadevalencia.com/fitting-in/): Fitting in is natural when we are prepubescent and preadolescent. It is a healthy way of imitating the world around us as we learn about ourselves. At that age life is still new to us and we are learning so much. Some children are born knowing themselves and march to the beat of their own drum early on. But for most of us, it doesn’t work that way. We learn through the process of elimination, of observation. Or we don’t. When we are pressured to do, think, and behave in ways that others expect from us, it can become difficult … - [Being Busy Does NOT Mean You’re Doing Something Meaningful](https://christinadevalencia.com/being-busy-does-not-mean-youre-doing-something-meaningful/): We all experience moments of genuine busyness—times when we’re overwhelmed with tasks that demand our attention. But more often than not, our constant busyness isn’t justified. It’s not always about having too much to do; sometimes, it’s about what we’re avoiding. Maybe we stay busy to distract ourselves from issues we don’t want to face—or don’t know how to face. Maybe we struggle to prioritize our time or set healthy boundaries. Maybe we use busyness as a shield to avoid difficult conversations or interactions. Or maybe we’re stuck in a situation that feels unbearable, and staying busy is the only … - [Pay Attention To The Way You Feel](https://christinadevalencia.com/pay-attention-to-the-way-you-feel/): The way you are treated is more important than how much you like them (although that will come). We’ve all experienced feeling small around certain people. Not good enough. Flawed. Insecure. Those people may even have been our parents. Or someone at work, people in our social circle, maybe our sibling. We feel constricted, not freely flowing from our hearts. Somewhat nervous, wanting to do the “right” thing, say the “right” thing. We may not even notice what’s happening until later, we’re so caught up in wanting to measure up, make the right impression. Wanting to be liked, desperate to … - [Life On The Roller-Coaster](https://christinadevalencia.com/life-on-the-roller-coaster/): Are you experiencing lots of different emotions lately? One day you feel ok, the next you can’t seem to get out of bed. One day you are so depressed you can barely move, the next day you feel hopeful and energetic. The word I hear everywhere is roller coaster. The other thing I notice is this urgency to pretend we are ok. We are not ok right now!! Don’t even try to pretend. We are grieving! Yes, it’s grief. Grief is an intense physical and psychological response to loss. It’s a necessary, normal and natural reaction to loss or change … - [The Spiritual Truth No One wants to Accept](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-spiritual-truth-no-one-wants-to-accept/): Sometimes I read an article and I agree with everything in it, like this one here by Will Aylward. I’ve had the same responses and thoughts as Will, so I’ll just share it with you. “No matter how much I protest, I am 100% responsible for what happens to me in my life.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer Agree or disagree with this statement? Personally, I agree. Without a shadow of a doubt, we are all 100% responsible for what happens to us in our lives. There is a chance you’re thinking, “This is absurd, Will, how can we be 100% responsible for … - [What If We All Did This?](https://christinadevalencia.com/what-if-we-all-did-this/): Recently my yoga teacher was talking about balance and neutrality. What he shared was different than I expected (that’s a lesson in itself, isn’t it?). I was sure he was going to lecture how we need balance in life, the yin and yang of things. What he actually did talk about was that we seem to experience a lot of extreme ups and downs lately and we are all so focused on putting a positive spin on everything. Make it all look good. See the positive in your break-up or when you get laid off or fired. It’s over the … - [How the practice of letting go of control can help us find the magic in life.](https://christinadevalencia.com/how-the-practice-of-letting-go-of-control-can-help-us-find-the-magic-in-life/): Some days I wake up and want everything to be orderly and predictable. That’s unusual, because I have a spontaneous, risk-taking personality. When this happens, I notice that I’m feeling a bit unsafe, kind of insecure about my life. Maybe I recently had a disagreement with someone important to me or maybe I’m worried about my finances.  It’s some kind of anxiety, some form of fear. This anxiety does not come from situations, but from our brains creating stories. So our need for control or structure is a reaction to our mind telling us that we have no control But … - [Where Is Your Passion?](https://christinadevalencia.com/where-is-your-passion/): Do what you love. Follow your heart. Isn’t that what everyone tells you? It’s on plaques, in stores, in articles, in books. It’s the in thing. What if you don’t know what you love? What if you don’t think you have a passion? What if the whole idea leaves you feeling miserable because you’ve spent your life tending to your responsibilities and to others? You are not alone! In fact, the majority of people doesn’t know their passions and can’t find the door that says “here’s your heart”. There is no formula for finding your passion. We tend to believe … - [Finding Peace in Uncertain Times](https://christinadevalencia.com/finding-peace-in-uncertain-times/): If you feel confused and uncertain these days, maybe the words by Henri Juntilla https://www.wakeupcloud.com/ will resonate with you. When I feel frustrated and stressed it is very helpful to remember that God, life, my heart, my soul or my higher self (whatever word works for you) knows and is at peace. Then I can surrender to this moment, this time of uncertainty and stay calm. The last few years I’ve written a lot about confusion, uncertainty, and not feeling like doing anything. That’s because I’ve been going through these themes for the last 3-4 years. Naturally, I’ve had to … - [Getting to the Beautiful Things in Life](https://christinadevalencia.com/getting-to-the-beautiful-things-in-life/): When were your best memories made? How did the most beautiful things come about in your life? I bet they happened without your plans or organization or determination. When you allowed yourself to be spontaneous. When you let go of the rules for once. When you let go of your lists and plans. Structure is a good thing. We all need some routine. It’s on a continuum, some people need more, some less. It makes us feel safe. It’s important for raising children, building a business, a relationship, even building a house. Structure is a way of organizing our lives … - [Bits of Wisdom](https://christinadevalencia.com/bits-of-wisdom/): Sometimes we all need a little reminder, a little bit of wisdom to help us move forward. Anyone can hide. Facing up to things and dealing with them, that is what makes you strong! Anyone can keep super-busy, watch TV, play video games and blame others for life’s mishaps. Really looking at what works for you and what doesn’t, accepting the consequences, making changes….that’s what will give you strength and a feeling of success! Confront the dark parts of yourself, shine a light on them and practice forgiveness. This will make you whole. Do you feel anger, jealousy or greed? Do you … - [Aging: What It’s Really Like](https://christinadevalencia.com/aging-what-its-really-like/): This aging thing takes you by surprise. You hear of it, you read about it. You know it’ll happen, just not the way it really does, all at once. Of course you know in the abstract, you just don’t really know. You don’t understand how it’ll unfold, don’t expect these ongoing losses. When we are younger we don’t fully get that we are part of this cycle, too, that we will grow older too.  Somehow we think in our thirties and forties that everything will stay the way it is, forever or at least until we cease to exist. We don’t … - [What Getting Older Is Really Like](https://christinadevalencia.com/what-getting-older-is-really-like/): This aging thing takes you by surprise. You hear of it, you read about it. You know it’ll happen, just not the way it really does, all at once. Of course you know in the abstract, you just don’t really know. You don’t understand how it’ll unfold, don’t expect these ongoing losses. When we are younger we don’t fully get that we are part of this cycle, too, that we will grow older too.  Somehow we think in our thirties and forties that everything will stay the way it is, forever or at least until we cease to exist. We don’t … - [Life Will Break You](https://christinadevalencia.com/life-will-break-you/): “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many … - [The Dark Side](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-dark-side/): We all have a dark side and we are masters at hiding it. We all have traits within us that we don’t like. Usually we choose not to look too closely or we practice complete denial. It’s not at all easy to get real with ourselves. I found there are two types of people in the world, those who want to know and those who want to believe. People don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed. Interesting, isn’t it? You can see it if you look at the people in your life. Do you … - [Find Your Tribe…….Never Stop Searching](https://christinadevalencia.com/find-your-tribe-never-stop-searching/): Find people who can handle your darkest truths, who don’t change the subject when you share your pain, or try to make you feel bad for feeling bad. Find people who understand that we all struggle, some of us more than others and that there’s no weakness in admitting it. In fact, few things take as much strength. Find people who want to be real, however that looks and feels, and who want you to be real too. Find people who get that life is hard, and who get that life is also beautiful and who aren’t afraid to honor … - [Getting Real](https://christinadevalencia.com/getting-real/): By Tiffany Compton: What’s wrong? Don’t cry. Don’t be sad. Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about. Geez! You’re so sensitive! What’s the matter with you? Just focus on something else. It’s not as bad as you think. Go start a gratitude journal. Help someone else and stop thinking about yourself. You must not be spiritual enough. You’re not trying hard enough. This is your fault. You’re a bad person, and this is why you feel this way. You brought this on yourself. You really aren’t sad. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself. You are so selfish. … - [Body Image…..not just for women](https://christinadevalencia.com/body-image-not-just-for-women/): “My thighs are too fat” she said after they had completed 6 sets of 130 stairs. “You have beautiful legs” was his response. She did, in fact, have beautiful legs! But isn’t that what most of us struggle with? We don’t think we are enough or there is too much of us. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, not enough of this or that. Our hair is too thin, too curly, too straight…. Our face is too long, too square, our eyes are too small, and our lashes are too short. OMG it literally has no end. I … - [Feelings? Fuhgeddaboudit!](https://christinadevalencia.com/feelings-fuhgeddaboudit/): A friend recently told me when sharing her feelings in a group setting; she is usually the one to cry or laugh, sometimes both, while most of the other group-members act very calm and matter of fact. Her emotions are always crowding in. She was worried that she feels too much and didn’t think that was normal. It left her feeling like something is wrong with her. In fact, she experiences her life in highs and lows… with intermittent calm periods. She is not alone! The majority, but not all people experience this up and down. However, we are well … - [Limbo……not the dancing kind.](https://christinadevalencia.com/limbonot-the-dancing-kind/): You want it! You know you want it. You’ve been preparing, visualizing, praying, expecting and putting lots of action behind it! Tony Robbins calls it “massive action”. Yet –  nothing happens. We’ve all experienced it: limbo. Never-never land, where our plans or expectations don’t come together, while life marches on. You could call waiting in line a form of limbo, being on hold on the phone or waiting for something or someone. Sadly, this indeterminate state is part of life. For the most part it’s brief; we just have to muddle through it, be patient and it’ll pass. But what … - [Is This the Most Loving Thing?](https://christinadevalencia.com/is-this-the-most-loving-thing/): What if we started asking ourselves periodically throughout our day “Does that feel like the most loving thing for myself?” What if we started to ask ourselves that question every time we make choices and decisions, big or little? Would it change things? Would we do things differently? Would our lives be different? Doing the most loving thing doesn’t mean doing the easy or most comfortable thing. It means becoming present to ourselves, tuning in, to see what the best choice is, the most loving choice in any particular circumstance. We all have that quiet inner voice that tells us … - [The True Meaning of Friendship](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-true-meaning-of-friendship/): “Friends… they cherish one another’s hopes. They are kind to one another’s dreams.” – Henry David Thoreau I’ve been thinking about friendship, the true meaning of friendship. When we’re young we don’t seem to have a lot of requirements when choosing a friend, but as we gain some life experiences we become a little more discriminating. Friendships go through seasons, just like any other relationship. Some close friends drift apart, others fade away, some just limp along and a few…very few work through their issues, they talk about what’s going on. As I was contemplating this I became very clear on … - [The Gift of Mindful Presence](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-gift-of-mindful-presence/): There was a point when I noticed that everyone in my life seemed to talk a lot while I listened. I wasn’t a talker. I was pretty young; maybe my early 20s and I didn’t know things other people knew….like women talk more than men in general. Men think differently about sex than women. There are chick flicks. Being vulnerable with everyone might not be smart. I could go on………. You could say that I didn’t know much of anything about the world! I was really naïve. However, I began to watch people. I thought that maybe something was wrong with me … - [Holy Shift – how to create miracles](https://christinadevalencia.com/holy-shift-how-to-create-miracles/): Sometimes, when I read profound wisdom or insights from others I like to share that with you. Is it possible to create miracles in our lives, a holy shift?We all experience things we don’t like, right? How can we change that?Can we change that? Here’s one about creating shifts in our lives. Lauren Lane Powell is a gift to all of us who know her. She is a medical miracle, a 3 time cancer survivor.She didn’t just survive, but healed herself with humor and love. (follow her story on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lauren.l.powell.3)Here’s a true account of one of her experiences: “I teased … - [How To Get Out of a Funk](https://christinadevalencia.com/how-to-get-out-of-a-funk/): Three steps to get out of a funk. We all have days when things don’t seem to go right and you feel down. You know those days when it would have been easier just to stay in bed. You may know the reason you feel blue or you just woke up this way. I think most of these funks don’t actually have a specific cause but our mind tries to figure it out anyway. It’s easy to get caught up in it, wallow in it …..for days even. You waste precious time looking for reasons. The funk doesn’t’ go away, … - [How to Stop Letting your Emotions Control You](https://christinadevalencia.com/how-to-stop-letting-your-emotions-control-you/): Have you ever gone into a fit of rage and come out barely remembering what you said or how you got there in the first place? Have you ever let your emotions be in control? I think this is true for many of us. So when I found this article by psychotherapist Danielle Benvenuto I felt it was worth sharing. She uses my favorite approach to life: Mindfulness Here you go: Have you ever been seized by sheer panic while waiting for a response from your new crush, a state so powerful that sending a text message every hour on … - [Practicing Non-Attachment](https://christinadevalencia.com/practicing-non-attachment/): One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to allow our children to be who they want to be. I just read a post by Madisyn Taylor of Daily Om about that subject. It reminded me of that timeless poem “On Children” by Kahlil Gibran. She wrote a great article. It raises some interesting points. There is very little information about how to accomplish this non-attachment once our children leave home. It’s not an easy transition. It wasn’t for me. As we nurture our children from tiny babies into adulthood, we constantly have to adjust through the many stages … - [5 Essential Questions for a Better Life](https://christinadevalencia.com/5-essential-questions-for-a-better-life/): When we are curious about the world we have a sense of wonder, we feel alive. Asking questions is one way we can do that. Questions are a deeper inquiry into our universe and they can help us to think about how we might improve our lives, our world. These are 5 truly essential questions that will change the way you look at life. These points are from a segment from the Dean of the Harvard Graduate School of Education James Ryan’s 2016 commencement speech. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW0NguMGIbE 1. Wait, What?The first is a question kids are fond of asking, and it’s one … - [How to Stop Worrying about Money](https://christinadevalencia.com/how-to-stop-worrying-about-money/): Money and security have been one of the biggest fears in my life. Worrying about money has always come easy for me. It’s a natural gift, you could say. But in the past few years this fear has lost its grip on me. In this article, by my friend Henri, are a few simple techniques that work wonders. I used to worry about money constantly. I was gripped by the fear of poverty, and not having enough money. But that is quickly becoming a thing of the past. My mindset is transforming from scarcity to abundance. In this article, I’ll … - [We Are Suffering.](https://christinadevalencia.com/we-are-suffering/): The world loves a person who speaks loudly and shows no doubt. Just take a look at what is going on in our political arena right now. We want to follow someone who seems to have answers, seems to know. I think, secretly, we all long for answers to the uncertain things in life. Maybe, just maybe, there is that one person out there who really does know. However, the answer never lies outside and there is never one solution that fits all. The answers are always within! Whether it’s about our relationships, attitudes, diets, spirituality, actions, way of life, … - [Sailing to Cuba](https://christinadevalencia.com/sailing-to-cuba/): We had a plan and as it often happens….plans don’t turn out the way you want. Life happens, while you are making other plans, right! Our plan was to sail to Cuba. We have a large Catamaran sailboat, fully stocked, and after many months of preparation we were finally ready to go. Very soon, a series of unplanned things happened along the way. Our engines broke, not just once, but 3 times. The plumbing started leaking into the boat and it had to be completely re-plumbed. We had to wait for better weather…..sometimes for weeks. I really do enjoy being … - [Are We Doing The Best We Can?](https://christinadevalencia.com/are-we-doing-the-best-we-can/): Years ago, while studying the Course in Miracles, I read that we shall not judge one another, because everyone is always doing their best in any given moment. That stayed with me…….but I didn’t really believe it. Looking around, it appeared that people should know better than to do hurtful things to one another, ignore each other, or make stupid choices. Don’t we all feel that someone has wronged us? ⦁    That our parents did stupid things, hurtful things that we would never do? ⦁    We judge others’ lifestyles, because they look weird to us. ⦁    We see the husband … - [The One Thing That Will Change Your Life](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-one-thing-that-will-change-your-life/): How do we change? Some of you have heard me talk about this before, but it’s so powerful, it’s good to hear it again. Most of the time we learn through pain. I am no different. There it was again, this sense of feeling trapped and helpless in my situation. Someone who means a lot to me had done something that rocked my world…..not in a good way. This triggered old thoughts and behaviors, like “no one really loves me and I am a bad person”. I went into a downward spiral, feeling overwhelmingly alone and betrayed. Before I knew … - [Why all this Mindfulness talk…..now?](https://christinadevalencia.com/why-all-this-mindfulness-talk-now/): It seems that the Mindfulness conversation is everywhere. Why now, I wonder? After all, Jon Kabat Zinn PhD., a microbiologist, started his research in 1979. He initiated a weekly practice with patients from the Massachusetts Medical Center, which he called Stress Reduction. He quickly discovered how powerful and effective mindfulness practice is. Yet it seems to have taken almost 30 years to become well known. Could it be that we have to run faster and faster to keep up with life? We are constantly connected and have to respond. There is very little down time, if any. People have to … - [Are you an old soul?](https://christinadevalencia.com/are-you-an-old-soul/): I used to wonder why some people seem complacent about life as it is and others seem to question everything and know there is more than our five senses tell us. I still sit and watch others wherever I go, rarely finding anyone who makes eye-contact or expresses curiosity about others or their surroundings. Over the course of many years I began to realize that we humans live on many different levels of awareness, hence the vastly different behaviors, opinions and ideas. I compare it to the stages we go through as we age. From infancy to becoming a teenager, … - [The Silent Punisher](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-silent-punisher/): This is the third in a series of newsletters looking at how our feelings affect our lives and bodies. It is powerful knowledge that can help eliminate pain in all areas of your life. If you are struggling with something, send me an email or call. The Silent Punisher We’ve been talking about the effects of feelings and emotions on our health. An emotion is a message from your brain, sent to your body as a sensation. It starts as a thought. Whenever emotions are denied, belittled or dismissed, they end up running the show. We’ve been focusing on how … - [Healing Happens When You Forgive.](https://christinadevalencia.com/healing-happens-when-you-forgive/): This is the second in a series of articles looking at how our feelings affect our lives and bodies. It is powerful knowledge that can help eliminate pain in all areas of your life. If you are struggling with something, send me an email or call. Healing happens when you forgive This is a more in depth look at a component of forgiveness, that we often don’t acknowledge. Forgiveness is essential in every major religion on our planet. The final words uttered by Christ during his suffering reinforce the importance of forgiveness: “”Father, forgive them, for they know not what … - [The Unexpected Break – Mind/Body Science](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-unexpected-break-mind-body-science/): This is the first in a series of newsletters looking at how our feelings affect our lives and bodies. It is powerful knowledge that can help eliminate pain in all areas of your life. If you are struggling with something, send me an email or call. The majority (maybe all, but who can prove it) of our physical ailments, diseases or accidents originate in our minds. I’m a believer in the body/mind concept: The health of our minds and our bodies are inextricably connected to the transformation of our spirit. In other words, much of what plays out in our … - [Wayne Dyer’s last gift….it’s free](https://christinadevalencia.com/wayne-dyers-last-gift-its-free/): We have lost a great soul on this earth. His family posted in social media that: “Wayne has left his body, passing away through the night. He always said he couldn’t wait for this next adventure to begin and had no fear of dying. ” Wayne Dyer has contributed so much to our lives through his books, talks, PBS specials and simply his presence. One of his famous quotes is: “Love is my gift to the world. I fill myself with love, and I send that love out into the world.” It was his purpose to re-discover the meaning of life and share … - [Gratitude revisited](https://christinadevalencia.com/gratitude-revisited/): “If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart As I live my life and experience things I hadn’t planned on or even been able to imagine happening in my life, I am revisiting gratitude. It’s a popular subject, I’ve written about it previously. So it seems that there is nothing left to say. But, as with all things, we can always go deeper, there are always more layers to uncover. I’m not interested in preaching, that’s not why I am writing this article. Because – you either choose to become … - [Oh That Elusive HAPPINESS](https://christinadevalencia.com/oh-that-elusive-happiness/): The Art of Happiness. If it doesn’t come naturally, we have to help it along. Sometimes when nothing seems to go right, Stop!!………Stop all the frantic activity and go DO something you like. I’m sure you have been told that when you are constantly busy, running around taking care of stuff, nothing changes, nothing new can come in. Your mind is not at peace, your body is stressed out, your emotions are on edge and everywhere you turn presents you with another roadblock. A glass of wine is good, but maybe not in the morning. Meditation will definitely get you on … - [Positive Pitfalls and I’ll tell you Why!](https://christinadevalencia.com/positive-pitfalls-and-ill-tell-you-why/): Thinking positive is a great start, but it will not always get you what you desire. Do you think there has to be more than the law of attraction, positive thinking,Vision-boards, meditation, workshops and willpower?? You’ve done it all! Positive thinking, affirmations, talk therapy and you’ve read all the self-help books you could get your hands on. Is it working for you? Honestly!! If you are like me and all the people I have spoken to….. NO, it isn’t working. You probably know more about yourself (and others) than ever before. You know what you should do. You know how you … - [Wherever you go, there you are…….NOT](https://christinadevalencia.com/wherever-you-go-there-you-are-not/): Wherever you go, there you are, right? Sounds reasonable. After all, you are going, therefore you will find yourself there. Wherever that is. Going to the supermarket? There you are. Going to Africa? There you are. What if I said…. not so fast. Maybe you won’t find all of yourself there. Or you’ll find parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed. People like to say that everything will be the same regardless of location. At least many people in my life have said that. I’ve been told that happiness is within and if you can’t be happy here, you won’t be happy anywhere. Well, I … - [Marriage](https://christinadevalencia.com/marriage/): Marriage is one of the most difficult relationships to get right. At least a healthy, successful one. Just look at the divorce rate in this country. It’s sad! There is so much advice out there and I’ve read a lot of it. Some of the tips and suggestions offered seem almost ridiculous. Yet, isn’t it what we all long for? A relationship in which we can be ourselves, where we feel seen, accepted and can experience true intimacy. It requires a number of moving parts. People disagree on what they are, but the extraordinary and strong relationships I know have … - [Healing…………](https://christinadevalencia.com/healing/): “Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of your pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.” Iyanla Vanzant I couldn’t say it any better. This is the truth! In all my years on this planet, I have not found an easier … - [Real Heroes in my Life](https://christinadevalencia.com/real-heroes-in-my-life/): I have been posting an August gratitude challenge on facebook and was thinking a lot about the people in my life who give of themselves, who make a difference in the lives of others, who step up, who show they care. They go out of their way, they make sacrifices to help others, they empower their fellow human beings. In our era of selfies, self focus, all things self….. that takes some effort. So many articles, videos and talk shows lecture about focusing on yourself, doing what feels right to you, making your life the best ever; in short living … - [REALITY: Objectivity is Subjective](https://christinadevalencia.com/reality-objectivity-is-subjective/): Life is a subjective experience and that cannot be escaped. This truth is becoming more and more clear to me. I recently visited a friend who lives in a place of complete disrepair, dirt and discomfort. In my opinion. However, because I love her so much, I listened to her perspective of her home. She feels such gratitude for her heavenly, peaceful retreat. While she shared that she dreams of having a functioning kitchen, she simultaneously acknowledged the enormous improvements in her home already. She has a vision of what it is to become and in the meantime she is surrounded by her books, music, … - [More on the Law of Attraction](https://christinadevalencia.com/more-on-the-law-of-attraction/): It has become such a common topic of conversation and it seems that everyone is an expert. Yes, just think better thoughts and your life will change. Believing in the law of attraction seems to be the norm now. At least in my circles and also in most things I read. But the really honest people have begun to voice doubts and are raising questions. Well, if it’s that easy, why hasn’t anything manifested? Why has nothing changed? These are people who are doing the work. They meditate, they have laser like focus, they have a vision board or some … - [Life on this Planet](https://christinadevalencia.com/life-on-this-planet/): I went to the beach the other day. A while ago I found a secluded area and that is where I was heading. We had clear, blue skies, but it was a bit cool and windy. I climbed down to my favorite spot. I was thrilled to find that no one else was there. The steep cliffs by the water broke some of the ragged, chilly wind coming off the water and it actually felt warm. I took a deep breath and allowed that euphoric, exhilarating, mystical feeling of being at the ocean wash over me. The warm sun and … - [I know you think you can’t change your life…………..](https://christinadevalencia.com/i-know-you-think-you-cant-change-your-life/): After I wrote Hope and New Beginnings, I felt that there was more to say. There is so much mystery and concern about attitudes, thoughts and beliefs. You wonder if you can ever change anything if certain thoughts have dominated your way of thinking for so long. Regardless of your efforts to think good thoughts, the old ones creep right back in on you. As if that wasn’t enough, you question if you are good enough to deserve better, worthy enough of love, friends, health, or wealth? You ask yourself if you sufficiently appreciate what you already have. And then, … - [Hope and New Beginnings](https://christinadevalencia.com/hope-and-new-beginnings/): It’s Easter Sunday and I am reflecting on life. I have so many things to be grateful for. We all have so much to be grateful for, even in the midst of perceived lack, illness or unhappiness. Life is just a miracle. But still, there are those moments when you feel deeply stuck in your despair, trapped in that situation or body you find yourself in. Those feelings are familiar to you; it isn’t the first time you are experiencing this anguish. You think: “Is it ever going to get better? Why does this keep happening to me? I don’t … - [Anxiety and Grace](https://christinadevalencia.com/anxiety-and-grace/): Most of my life I have had serious anxiety that is most active at night. It seems to have gotten worse over the years, to the point of me feeling almost helpless, as if some other entity is in charge, causing panic-like fear. That is after all what anxiety is, a great fear of things turning out badly. So many women I know seem to harbor this fear of becoming homeless. That is an example of a serious anxiety. Then there is fear of never having a good relationship, enough money, living a more fulfilling life……on and on. If you … - [Healing Stress, Anxiety and Limiting Beliefs](https://christinadevalencia.com/healing-stress-anxiety-and-limiting-beliefs/): Lately it seems that everyone is struggling either with emotional or physical issues. One of the things I utilize when working with clients is a process called EFT, which was developed by physicians. EFT, otherwise known as Emotional Freedom Techniques, is a type of Meridian Tapping that combines ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology with astonishing results. The EFT Tapping Therapy process is surprisingly simple: you just focus on something that is bothering you while tapping with your fingertips on 10 easily learned acupuncture points. You will discover that the painful feelings simply drain away and negative beliefs lose their … - [Failure = Success.](https://christinadevalencia.com/failure-success/): I think this is worth retelling: Why would I make such a statement?  Because it’s true! The truth is, actually, that there is no failure, remember?  But for the sake of this conversation, we’ll use the word. So failure is doing something and not having it work out, or turn out, as you expected.  It can be going for a job interview and not getting it, starting to clean out the garage and not finishing it, beginning a relationship and having it end, maybe before it even really got started at all. Your ability to allow yourself to fail absolutely … - [How are you feeling now……?](https://christinadevalencia.com/how-are-you-feeling-now/): How are you feeling now….after the Christmas rush? Are you feeling satisfied, at peace, happy with the way your holidays unfolded? Are you feeling sad that it’s over, guilty that you spent so much money, disappointed with the way it turned out? Or are you exhausted? How do you feel about the commercialism that Christmas has become? It isn’t new, it increases every year. Now there is Halloween stuff on one isle and Christmas stuff on the other. It’s all about consumerism. We get so stressed out over making sure that we buy enough stuff for everybody. What to do … - [Quick….can you answer this question?](https://christinadevalencia.com/quick-can-you-answer-this-question/): If someone were to ask, “what do you love most about yourself?” What comes to mind? Do you have a quick answer, or does it take some thought? Can you even come up with an answer? It probably depends on the kind of day or week you are having. We can more easily access that self-love when we have good days, when things are flowing, relationships are calm. On difficult days– the kind that are full of struggle, too much activity and doubt– that self-love can virtually disappear or play a serious hide and seek. When I was asked that … - [Are you weirder than me](https://christinadevalencia.com/are-you-weirder-than-me/): I recently moved because of my neighbors. I couldn’t live next to those weird people anymore. We, the neighbors and I, judged one another harshly for being different. We couldn’t accept each other. It just seems so difficult to do with all these weird people around us!  Don’t you think those thoughts? Don’t you believe that your lifestyle is really the best way and if everyone just understood that, the world would be a better place? I sure did. Staying in the same place all their lives is some people’s idea of a good life, while others love to travel … - [Are you struggling with this?](https://christinadevalencia.com/are-you-struggling-with-this/): Lately I have really tuned into how often I take on responsibility for someone else. Maybe it’s what we as women naturally gravitate to, but I have seen men do it as well. If you are a parent, you definitely understand what I mean. You tell your child to clear the table before you head out for soccer, shopping, Disneyland, whatever…. You are on a time schedule. Your kid is procrastinating, so you jump in and finish it up. I can’t count the times I’ve done that. Of course we know we shouldn’t, but we’ll do it just this once, … - [Loving Orphans Globally](https://christinadevalencia.com/loving-orphans-globally/): We work with a non-profit where I know the founder personally. So many Charities keep  over 50% of donations received as salaries for their top executives. Therefore most of your money does not go to the children. There are so many loopholes in the rules and regulations of a non-profit organization that make this misappropriation possible. I have searched for years to find someone who is honest and cares about the kids.  His name is Richard Lawson. He gives everything that comes in to those children. He works in  Uganda | Kenya | Rwanda | Thailand | Myanmar | India | Nepal | Indonesia  He travels to each orphanage to help them become self-sustainable. But … - [Intuition…..Is it real?](https://christinadevalencia.com/intuition-is-it-real/): Listening to your gut. Inner voice. Instinct. A strong “sense” or “knowing”… Whatever you want to call it, your intuition is a naturally built-in guidance system within you that will always lead you in the right direction in life. This is your intuition speaking to you! When you allow your intuition to guide your thoughts and actions, you feel on track. You trust in the universe to bring you what you need, to lead you to the appropriate people and situations. You feel calmer, less stressed and have a sense of confidence in knowing that things will work out. If … - [Gratitude](https://christinadevalencia.com/gratitude/): Gratitude turns what you have into enough. When you are in a grateful state of mind, you’ll feel more positive, life is better and you’ll start attracting more positive people and circumstances. Thankfulness is an attitude that you can practice and develop. The whole experience of gratitude—is really about forcing ourselves to pay attention to the good things in life, things we’d otherwise take for granted. Start a journal about feeling grateful. I don’t think it’s necessary or even all that good to write every single day. There is the tendency to get numb to all the good things in our … - [Living an Inspired Life](https://christinadevalencia.com/living-an-inspired-life/): Do you ache for more excitement, authenticity and meaning? Do you long for a way to break out of this crappy rut you have created for yourself? You want more from life, but don’t have a clue where to start? How do you become inspired to live this passionate and enthusiastic life? A life that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning and start your day. The most powerful inspiration comes when you pursue your very own distinctive, unconventional, unusual path that breaks away from the pack (the sheeples, I like to call them). Have you ever … - [Trust/Faith and Irregular Posts](https://christinadevalencia.com/trust-faith-and-irregular-posts/): Oh boy I was so caught up writing my second book that I neglected my blog. I was given the opportunity to watch how trust and faith work in our lives this past weekend. I want to share that with you, because if you are like me you need affirmation and reminders. My friend Amy hit a rough spot in her life. Her car (I think it’s a lemon) did not start, she still had no job offers, her laptop finally broke completely and her cell phone was falling apart (the back had fallen off long ago and now the … - [Finding balance…not an easy thing](https://christinadevalencia.com/finding-balancenot-an-easy-thing/): I was talking with a friend today who was wondering what the real secret to success is. Everyone always tells you to see yourself having or doing what you really want. Well, he said, that’s no problem for him, he is great at visualizing…..so why isn’t he successful yet? While he was talking, someone came to mind who is always busy, always doing, but not being successful. As a matter of fact that person often runs into closed doors, impossible hurdles or just plain brick walls. I believe that it is a balance, you have to walk the fine line … - [The Seven Wonders of the World…it’s not what you think](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-seven-wonders-of-the-worldits-not-what-you-think/): If you forget, like I do, here is a little reminder of what is important in life! Then take a moment….become present to this moment and experience it. Paste this link into your browser and see: www.flickspire.com/m/LifeSecrets/SevenWonders ## Pages - [Home New](https://christinadevalencia.com/home-new/) - [Home](https://christinadevalencia.com/): Find Your Tribe Guidance for becoming yourself and finding the friends and lovers who get you Empower yourself to become who you were meant to be and find belonging, peace and freedom in your life and your relationships. COURSES BLOG FACEBOOK GROUP Explore Services - [Appointment](https://christinadevalencia.com/appointment/) - [The Encinitas Counseling Method](https://christinadevalencia.com/the-encinitas-counseling-method/): I incorporate Mindfulness, Psychotherapy and Body/Mind modalities. Sometimes we just need to be seen and heard to allow for an internal shift. Sometimes we need some help breaking a pattern or perspective that is not useful. One of the greatest tragedies is living a life of quiet desperation……..what I mean is, so many live a life without passion, inspiration, empowerment and excitement. We just go through the motions. We get a job so we can pay for that car and the mortgage for that house that we barely spend time in because we are at that job we don’t even … - [Testimonials](https://christinadevalencia.com/testimonials/): “I have been getting out more. I do feel that I am getting my health back. I am starting to realize what I put myself thru, and that it does take time to heal. I do want to thank you for helping me thru a very difficult time. Your kind words and listening to me really helped me get past a very difficult part of my life.”Karl, San Diego “You have been an incredible help to me during my most difficult time. Thank you so much for your patience and presence.”Nancy, CA “You have shown me how to live. I … - [Philosophy](https://christinadevalencia.com/philosophy/): I love to encourage and empower! I love helping you live a fulfilling, happy, successful, inspired life! Mindfulness can empower you. It is exciting to see a person walking on their authentic path. When we follow our divine path, we raise our vibration and invite more good into our lives. One of the greatest tragedies is living a life of quiet desperation……..what I mean is, so many live a life without passion, inspiration, empowerment and excitement. We just go through the motions. We get a job so we can pay for that car and the mortgage for that house that … - [About Me](https://christinadevalencia.com/about-christina/): About Me I am a Marriage and Family Counselor, Author and teacher. I also own a Real Estate Investment business, but much more important than that…………. I am passionate about helping people build genuine connections rather than simply going through the motions and feeling isolated. In today’s world—dominated by social media, automation, and chaos—it can be incredibly challenging to find relationships that are authentic and deeply fulfilling. But they do exist: those rare connections where you feel truly seen, understood, and like you belong. 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